For my birthday last year I shared 25 things I had learned in my 25 years. This year I wanted to share 26 things I have learned about being a mother. I don’t claim to know it all. I’m pretty sure I’m unqualified to have three children. But I have them, and some days I think I know something about this parenting thing.
1. Miscarriage is hell. There is no other way to put it. It’s the most confusing range of emotions and questions. The grieving never ends. Even with three healthy, beautiful babies who I would never trade for anything in the world, some days are still just hard.
2. Do something for yourself, even if you think there is no time. I shower every day. If your baby is fed, changed, and burped they can cry for a couple minutes while you at least rinse off. Especially in those first days when there is milk everywhere, jump in the shower if it will help you. Have a cup of coffee, or whatever it is that’s going to make you feel a little more human. You need it.
3. Breastfeeding, formula feeding, and pumping are all perfect ways to feed your baby. Whatever works for your family is the solution.
4. People like to tell you your hands are full. Get used to it.
5. People also really like to comment on age differences. I have a 4 year old, 18 month old, and newborn. I get number 4 a lot, and wild looks for having the babies 17 months apart.
6. I’m convinced there is no good age gap. There are 2 years and 9 months between my boys- they fight. There are 4 years and 17 months between the boys and my baby girl. It’s still hard.
7. Adding more children is always hard. One to two may have been a smidge easier than two to three.
8. Baby wearing saves lives. I’m sure on some level that is true. It does allow me independence. I can manage stores with three kids as long as at least one is attached to me.
9. Tandem baby wearing is also a life saver, but it’s not always practical.
10. Every baby is different. The boys have night and day personality differences. The girl is one month old as I write this, so her personality hasn’t came yet. My oldest is cautious, my youngest is reckless.
11. Parenting is hard.
12. Sometimes you have to ask for help. It makes me really anxious to ask for help, but I cannot manage it all alone.
13. Magnet tiles might be the best toy ever invented.
14. Take lots of photos, and videos. It all goes so fast.
15. The adage “the days are long but the years are short is so true”
16. A sense of humor is essential.
17. It’s okay to let the chores wait, and it’s okay to do the chores. No one deserves to live in filth. Scroll past those cutesy poems on social media that make you feel bad for cleaning. Cleaning is part of being a good parent.
18. Kids can help, and should help. My four year old is the best helper, my middle child not so much- but it’s important that he does little tasks to help him clean up after himself.
19. Prioritize outside time whenever possible.
20. Taking trips is great, but memories are also made at the kitchen table and on your own trampoline. Don’t underestimate the day to day.
21. If you think you are a bad mom, you probably aren’t. Bad parents don’t care and are not looking to improve.
22. Postpartum depression encompasses a lot of things; anxiety, OCD, and rage also happen and may not be talked about since it doesn’t appear like depression. Even though they are “normal” and common- there is no reason to suffer. Tell your doctor and get help.
23. Give hugs often.
24. There’s nothing wrong with not finishing a baby book or doing monthly photos. I didn’t accomplish either for any of mine. They are still so loved.
25. Just add water is the single best parenting advice I’ve ever heard. Bath time, a glass of water, a run in the sprinkler, etc. Water is a mood changer.
26. Not everyone is a Pinterest mom, it takes all kinds of kinds. She isn’t doing better than you because she executed the best craft, and if that’s you- kudos! We are all applauding what you can accomplish.
