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Monday, February 26, 2024

Local Cows “Tipped” Off With Night Time Pranks


Cows from all over the state gathered Tuesday night to hold an emergency bovine meeting concerning the ever-increasing night time tipping dilemma. President of the “Cows for a Cause” chapter, Mrs. Ineda Bunn, spearheaded the get-together in hopes to get a solution to this inconvenience. “For decades, we have been cheap entertainment for small-town youth but tonight, the fun stops here,” exclaimed Bunn. “No more will we allow these children to disrupt our much-needed beauty sleep!”

As the night wore on, more and more cows came forward to express their dismay for the situation. Angus cow, Leonardo DiCowprio, took to the podium to deliver an emotional tipping recollection that still haunts him to this day. “Although this incident took place three years ago, I remember it like it was yesterday. I had just finished my nightly graze and retreated to my favorite area of pasture. I was just drifting off to sleep when all of a sudden, I felt four hands on my side. I remember hearing giggling and next thing I know, I’m careening towards the ground.”

“After a couple of attempts of rocking back and forth, I was able to get to my hooves just in time to see a truck speed away. It took me weeks to be able to finally sleep with both eyes closed but I will never be the same.” After the testimonies were heard, a decision was made to establish round the clock security in every field. Any violators caught would be subject to ten face lickings while standing on one leg and singing only the cow verse of Old MacDonald Had a Farm.

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